A Place for Reproach

It can be difficult to confront someone when we are disappointed or unhappy with their behavior. We might tend to avoid conflict and gravitate towards either avoiding the person altogether or compromising our own values in order to maintain the relationship. However, sometimes reproaching someone is the best course of action, especially if the behavior in question is causing harm, is causing us to feel disrespected or unsupported, or if we consider the person to have sinned against me. 

Reproach is a powerful tool that can be used to express disappointment or disapproval, but it is important to do so with kindness and compassion, rather than with a desire to hurt or shame the other person. When Jesus reproached Peter in the Gospel of John, he did so with love and a desire to help him grow and improve, rather than to criticize or hurt him. In fact, after their conversation, Jesus asked Peter three times "Do you love me?" (John 21:15-17), a clear sign of his forgiveness and desire to restore their relationship.

Reproaching someone can also be an important opportunity to open up dialogue and consider different perspectives. By being open to hearing the other person's perspective and being willing to have a meaningful conversation about the issue at hand, we can learn from each other and find common ground. Surprisingly, a reproach can be a helpful tool for strengthening relationships and fostering understanding and mutual growth. If we can do it with kindness and with an open, but firm heart, we might be surprised to find out that the other person might even appreciate that you told them. Most people just walk away, it takes courage to speak our truth. It takes kindness to do it well. 

Some helpful tips might be to focus on the behavior, on what can be done to move forward, and on being open to hearing the other person's perspective.